memories
Remembering Daddy…
105 months ago
Two years ago today, at 1:53pm, we said goodbye to Daddy. There isn’t a day that passes that I don’t think of him and wish he were still here with us.
After four weeks in the hospital, the last two in ICU, we had to make a very difficult decision to let him go. While it was very hard to so, I still believe it was the right decision. How quickly he passed was proof of that.
Two weeks after his passing, I made a memory book that I still look at often. I took all the beach photos in it – this is the true meaning of the sunset pictures I post every month on the 4th. I thought today would be a good day to share it again. For my dear family and friends, this will be a reminder of those special days. For those of you who didn’t know him, this is a small glimpse into the love that my family had for the most amazing man and father ever.
Today we will go to Crystal Beach for sunset and to Ozona Pig for dinner, just as we did the day he passed away. These were two of his favorite places to go and it is just one of the many ways I keep his memory alive.
I love you Daddy, and I miss you always. You are my hero, my guardian angel, always just a thought away…
Christmas Cheer
8As is tradition in our family, the Christmas tree goes up on Thanksgiving. I put my mom’s up for her while she was making our Thanksgiving feast. Yesterday was finally the day to put our tree up. Here it is… I love the soft glow of the lights in our family room.
When hubby and I got our first Christmas tree, we started a tradition of buying a new ornament every year. Some had themes (wedding, anniversary, new house, etc….). Others were fun or added a nice touch to our growing collection. Over the years, our tree has become and mix of old and new, and I love it. Our Just Married ornaments is one of my favorites and it’s hard to believe it’s not been on our tree for 11 years! The snow globe ornament with the burgundy bow is the one we bought this year at Downtown Disney. It’s so pretty and old fashioned…
There are some people who redo their ornaments and decorations every few years, or even every year. Not us. Each ornament hold special meaning, no matter how simple it may be. I enjoy the process of unpacking the ornaments and the tree topper, and remembering when we got each one and the memories that go with it.
There are the ornaments I made last year with pictures of our niece and nephews. I made one for my mom, and my brothers and sisters-in-law as well. It was a fun (and inexpensive!) little project and it’s a joy having them on our tree.
I found a 2010 dog ornament last year on clearance (thank you Hallmark) and finally put a picture of Blue when he was a puppy in 2010. Last year I had a glass ornament made with Blue and Ozzie on it.
Some ornaments are a tribute. When we said goodbye to our sweet Sammi in September 2009, I bought a special ornament for her picture so she would be a part of our tree every year. It seemed the perfect thing to do because when the tree went up, she would lay under it.
When my dad passed away two years ago, at his favorite time of year, I knew I had to do an ornament for him and it would be the center of the tree every year. I have never known anyone who loved Christmas as much as my dad and he is the reason I have my love for Christmas. My dad has now become every little detail of Christmas.
I love our tree. It’s just the right height and I love the white lights. We put it in our family room and it can be seen from the living room and the front door when you walk in. At night, when the lights are off in the rest of the house and we are all curled up on the couch watching TV, it creates a wonderful soft light that I find very comforting.
In the living room, I have other decorations. I love snowmen. And metal decorations. And our stockings. And I have a metal Christmas card holder that hangs on the wall that I love and can’t wait for it to fill up every year. Come Christmas, it will be overflowing with cards and I love that.
Once again, I am very happy with how the tree came out and how cozy our living room looks with the decorations. it’s not too much and it’s not too little. It’s just right and it’s all ours.
When do you put up your tree? Do you have any special traditions for ornaments?
Thankful Thursday
126 months ago
What I am thankful for today…
My hubby…. I am such a lucky girl to have him in my world. He loves and adores me and stands beside me as we make our way through this world, no matter how hard or easy it may seem at any given time. I don’t know how I got so lucky to find him but I would be absolutely lost without him.
A roof over our head…. This month marks 9 years in our home and there are times it still feels like we just moved in. It’s not the perfect house and we have a list a mile long of things we want to do, and realistically may never get to do, but it’s our home. When we’re home at night, curled up on our comfy couch watching TV, with Blue and Ozzie snuggling with us, there’s no place I’d rather be.
Family… I have an amazing support system in all that I do and I am fortunate to have family behind me. You know who you are and I love you all.
My health…. Sure, I have a love/hate relationship with my body and I have aches and pains that sometimes seem too much to bear, but I am so very lucky to be healthy. (***knock on wood***)
My friends…. Old friends, new friends, and in between – you all bring something special to my life.
My mommy…. I’m 40 years old and yes, I still call her Mommy. Somehow she endures working with me and seeing me 5 out of 7 days a week, sometimes even more. She is one of my biggest supporters. She is more than my mom, she is my friend.
My mom’s health…. After quite the scare earlier this year, my mom is thankfully cancer-free after surgery.
38 years worth of memories of my dad…. I am so blessed that nothing was left unsaid and he knew how much I loved (love) him. All the memories over the years have more meaning now since his passing and there are days when I remember something that I had put away in the way-back of my memory bank. It’s amazing how memories can come rushing back. I am so thankful to have those memories that are all mine.
My two crazy dogs…. Yes, there are days that Blue and Ozzie test every bit of patience I have and I swear they will be the death of me, but I love them and can’t imagine not having them here to drive me nuts. I love snuggling with them and taking them for rides and showing them off to everyone who thinks they are the coolest dogs ever. They are our babies.
Sunsets, beaches, and the beautiful area we live in…. It’s so easy to get wrapped up in the day-to-day stuff but all it takes is a walk or run at the park or beach, or a drive along the gulf, or an evening out for a sunset and I am quickly reminded how lucky we are to live in such a beautiful state.
What are you thankful for today?
Why I blog…
1Since it’s been over a year that started this blog, I’ve been thinking about the reasons that I blog. Here they are, in no particular order:
- Accountability. It’s another way to be honest with myself and try and stay on top of this journey that I am on. Some days it’s easy, some days it’s impossibly hard.
- It’s a constant in my crazy life. It’s always there when I need to vent or even go back and read a post that was maybe a defining moment.
- I love to write. I wish I had more time to do it.
- To share a side of me that people may not know.
- To share things that I love, such as foods, books, products, and more.
- To document my life and the events in it.
- Motivation. When I write a post about a struggle I’m having and go back and read it days, weeks, or months later, I find it motivational to see how I overcame it.
- To vent. There are some days I just need to get something out and what better way to get it out than writing it.
- To remember. There is always something going on and we are such a big family. I like to remember special events and other things that we do or go through. Happy, sad, defining, and more. All moments are important and each one adds up to my life.
- To {hopefully} inspire others. I follow several blogs and they inspire me. I would love to know that I inspire others in the same way.
When I first started my blog, I imagined it being mostly weight-loss related, although my very first post pretty much said it could be about anything. It was also just two months after losing my dad and I knew it would be another outlet in dealing with that and it has helped. It’s touched lightly on our infertily issues and is as light as posting about our crazy dogs. You can read my very first blog post here http://thiscrazylifeofmine2012.wordpress.com/2011/02/13/my-very-first-blog/
I enjoy my blog and hope that my readers enjoy it as much I do. I love it when a post inspires readers to comment and let me know their thoughts. But ultimately my blog is for ME.
Sensory Overload
6For the last 15 months, I have avoided the hospital where my dad passed away. I’ve had to drive past it many times, although I would even try to avoid that. One time I intentionally drove through the parking lot because I was compelled to do so. I had hoped that I would not ever have to go back inside anytime soon.
Today was the day. My mom is having surgery next week and had to go in for pre-op. I went with her so she wouldn’t have to go alone. My need for her to not be alone outweighed the trepidation that I felt. In fact, I am writing this as I sit in the waiting room and wait for her.
When you spend 12 hours a day or more over a month’s time in a place, there are things you get used to. You learn your way around, you recognize and get to know people, you get used to the sterile smell of the halls and the rooms, the sounds, seeing patients on gurneys, and more.
Neither one of us wanted to walk in there to begin with, and I wasn’t sure what I dreaded most. We had to enter near the emergency room which we knew all too well. Passing the row of parked ambulances brought back a flood of memories. But it wasn’t until we walked in that I realized what would hit me the most. And it was the smell. That sterile smell that I had become accustomed to, and the smell of the soap in the bathroom. To me, sense of smell is very powerful and can be overwhelming, especially in situations like this. These might seem like trivial thoughts to have but when you relate them to the last time you saw someone, it is HUGE.
The last time we were here, we said goodbye to Daddy – and physically left him here. It is one of many thoughts I had that day. I knew it was just his body in that room when we left, and his spirit and all that we loved about him left with us and still remains with us. But at that moment, it felt like we were leaving him, and I hated that.
So to walk back into the same building today that we last saw him in 15 months ago was hard.
Next week we will ALL, I hope, be here as a family as my mom has surgery. No one is alone in this family despite fear, trepidation, and more. The hospital is a great one and everyone here is very kind and patient-oriented. All of this outweighs the bad parts of the walls, rooms, floors, and more that make up the hospital that holds the many memories of pain, loss, and grief we all felt.
I am glad I came with her today, not only to support her, but to get beyond the apprehension of going. The next time we are here, I can focus more on my mom, her surgery, and her recovery. All will be fine.
