blah

I want…

23

I usually try to keep things very upbeat on my blog, but today I am just going to spit all this out for fear that if I don’t, it will explode. That just wouldn’t be pretty, would it? Here goes…

 

I want… To not be stressed. I stress about everything. It can’t be good for me, right?

I want… To be able to take a real vacation with hubby. Just the two of us. For more than one day. (note to self: buy winning lottery ticket tonight)

I want… For it to be fall. Seriously, I’m done with this awful heat and humidity.

I want… To enjoy the beaches that we live so close too. Other than my Sunday morning run over the causeway bridge, the closest I’ve gotten to the beach was a survey I did for work the other day . It looked so awesome. I want to feel the sand between my toes. How sad is it that we live 7 minutes from the beach and never go?

I want… To live in a drama-free world. Drama is not  necessary and doesn’t get anyone anywhere.

I want… To not have to work quite so hard, maybe just for a little bit. It’s not in my genes to NOT work, but it sure would be nice to just sit back and not worry about how everything will get done for a bit.

I want… To sleep a full 8 hours. Please, Blue and Ozzie, can you maybe just let that happen every once in awhile? Mommy loves you, but she needs her sleep.

I want… To find the off-switch for my brain. It does not need to always be on, especially at night.

I want… To not worry. I worry about everything. Somehow things still work out, but the energy I exert worrying is exhausting.

I want… To feel like all the hard work we are doing will pay off one day. And I’m talking work, not weight loss. We bust our butts at work, please tell me one day we will reap the rewards of it.

I want… To wake up in the morning without anxiety. I had anxiety a several years ago and finally got it under control. I feel like it’s slowly creeping back in… I know stress brings it on, so I need to control that stress to get rid of the anxiety. The thought of anxiety makes me more anxious.
That’s better… Seriously, I’m not sure why everything has to seem so hard sometimes. This is why I so strongly focus on myself when I’m not working. I NEED to run, otherwise it’s likely I would need an anti-depressant. I NEED to take care of myself. I NEED to do things that I enjoy on my off-time. I NEED to not be negative because that won’t get me anywhere.

 

always remember

 

Thank you for listening to my rambling… What would you like to get off your chest today? I am all ears since you listened to me!

Hi, remember me?

4

Oh Lordy, have I been sick. Monday evening I started coughing. By Tuesday morning, I was coughing even more and woke up feeling run over. That was the morning we took the bikes to Toys for Tots. By Tuesday night, I was a congested, coughing, achy mess. I really thought I had bronchitis. It felt like I had an elephant standing on my chest. I woke up at 2:30 in the morning on Wednesday to take a hot bath because I could hardly move and the cough was sounding really bad. I decided then I better go to the doctor. Anytime I get a cough, it seems to take weeks to get a grip on it and I didn’t want it to go too far without medicine.

I have not been to our primary care physician in 2 years. That tells you how often I get sick. I felt so cruddy that I didn’t even make my usual smart-ass comment when I got on the scale. It was more of a “whatever”. The nurse decided to do a flu swab as I’m sitting there telling her, no I’m sure it’s just bronchitis with this cough. Needless to say, I was wrong. I have Influenza A. As opposed to B. And of course A is the one that makes you feel worse and could last longer. Always an over-achiever, right?

I left with prescriptions and after a frustrating trip to Walgreens, I went home to sleep. And sleep is what I’ve done as much as possible since then. Despite having to do what work I can from home and email in little spurts, I’ve been not doing anything else and this flu has ruined what was to be a very busy, very fun week for us.

Thursday night was hubby’s company Christmas party. He went, as he should have, but I was miserable at home. It stinks to feel so yucky and down and not be able to join in the fun.

Yesterday, I had no choice but to go to work for a bit, you know since I’m the boss and all, and when I came home I planted myself right back on the couch.

This morning, we were supposed to volunteer at Toys for Tots Distribution Day, but I am still just so blah. I still have a cough, though it no longer feels like I’m going to cough up a lung. And I’m achy. That is the worst part. And what kind of volunteer would I be by getting other people sick? Hubby is helping with some work today, always my saving grace.

Tonight we were going to do the Santa’s Twilight 5K on Honeymoon Island. Well, that’s certainly not going to happen. And tomorrow….. Tomorrow is the Tampa Bay Lady Blogger’s Holiday Cookie Exchange, hosted by Steph. I was going to make oatmeal chocolate chip cookies. Yesterday should have been my baking day. No cookie-making here… I was really looking forward to catching up with everyone before Christmas, but they’ll probably like me more if I don’t give them the gift of the flu.

So it’s not bad enough I’ve been sick all week, but I am missing out on so much fun stuff this weekend. Sometimes it really sucks to be me. But, I have high hopes that I can be back to whatever normal is on Monday. I certainly want to be rid of this nastiness by Christmas. It’s depressing and messes with me mentally. I’m tired of being sick and achy and no energy and not having much of an appetite. I’ve had maybe a meal and a half each day. I just have no real desire to eat, which is so not like me. But I have been drinking plenty of water and orange juice.

On my agenda today…. Take my medicine, curl up in the comfy corner of the couch with my favorite blanket and my box of tissues, Blue and Ozzie close by for the necessary snuggling, and ask nicely for this crud to get the heck out of here. So this will be me today….

 

sick on couch

 

When was the last time you had the flu?

True Confessions Tuesday

2

It’s that time again!

  • I CONFESS that I did not run this morning. I put my clothes and shoes out yesterday evening, so they’d be there ready and waiting for me this morning. But I just did not have the energy to put them on and run out the door this morning. And because of that, I’ve been irritated with myself all day. #blah
  • I CONFESS that it messed me up a little mentally not running over the weekend. While I enjoyed the time doing other things, it just didn’t seem right to not be out there on the two mornings a week when I have  no pressure to be somewhere else.
  • I CONFESS that my reading of a couple good books lately has me wanting to read every spare second I have.
  • I CONFESS that I need to get my mind back in the game as far as my eating goes. I have fallen back into a few bad habits such as drinking coke (only one a day if I have one), not paying as close attention to my portion sizes as I should, and not eating as many fruits and veggies as I should.
  • I CONFESS that on this 13th day of no Starbucks, I am really craving one. It seems harder now than when I first decided to stop them for awhile. Tomorrow will be 2 weeks which is HUGE. I would like to enjoy them once a week, perhaps on the weekend. But, I don’t know if my will power will be enough to stick to that. (remember me? all or nothing girl…..)
  • I CONFESS that I need to step up my water intake this week. Maybe a fun water bottle would help me with that. Time to change it up a little….
  • I CONFESS that ALL I can think about today is going to see Daughtry in concert tomorrow night. Tomorrow will be the longest day ever until it’s time to go.
  • I CONFESS that over the next couple of days, it’s quite possible you will only hear about Daughtry. I apologize in advance for this.

The good, the bad, and the ugly

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Today’s post will focus on the good, the bad, and the ugly of the last few days, in no particular order.

The good…. I walked this morning, at the park. I ignored the rain clouds looming over head and headed out. I walked, didn’t run. I didn’t set my tracker for a 5K, I just set it to basic and off I went. I walked for 1 hour and 24 seconds, 3.57 miles. I walked just to walk – not to beat my previous times, not to break any records. I just walked. And it was great. Rain and all. I don’t know why I couldn’t get my butt out there these last couple of weeks when it becomes so apparent how much I enjoy it the minute I start walking.
(note to self: come back often and read this post to remind yourself how important walking is no matter what kind of funk you are in.)

The bad… I gained 2 pounds this week. Honestly, I expected it especially after missing the meeting the week prior. The meetings are great for getting me on the right foot for the new week. If I lose, it keeps me motivated to continue doing what I’m doing. If I gain, it motivates me to work harder. So, I will own these 2 pounds that are now along for the ride on my butt or hips or wherever else they decided to attach themselves.

The ugly… With the 2pounds I have gained, it puts me at a total loss of only 6.6 pounds in the whole time I’ve been back at WW. The highest my loss has been was 12.2 pounds so I have gained half of that back. This is pretty disheartening but I have to remember that it’s just not easy to lose weight and life just gets in the way. The first time I did WW, it wasn’t “easy” but it was “easier” than this time. But my body is different this time, it’s been through the ringer, poked, prodded, and more. Not to mention I’m 5 years older now. It’s just not easy. But I’m not going to give up.

The good… I am not going to let this weight loss battle beat me. I am going to keep at it, do the best I can, and know that I am doing exactly that. It may not be easy, but it will not beat me.

The bad… After re-commiting myself to tracking again on Wednesday, I fell off the wagon yesterday and didn’t track a single bit. So, I am starting over again today to try for my #7daychip. I know I can do this. I’ll pick myself back up and start again. Today is day 1.

The ugly… I overate in a big way at dinner last night. Nobody’s fault but mine. I did it and I own it. Time to move on.

The good… On Wednesday, I committed to not having Starbucks until the weekend. I successfully met that challenge and rewarded myself with one this morning. It was super yummy and I enjoyed it. I tracked it, and all is right in the world.

The good… When I went to WW yesterday, Lorraine (our fearless leader) was so happy to see me and greeted me with a hug. She said she  had been worried about me all week. That made me feel good. It’s people like her who keep those meetings going and keep us coming back. She has been in the same place we have, fought the same battles, and is there to offer her support in any way she can. Thank you Lorraine.

The good… After the WW meeting, I had a great talk with Tammy, a WW friend. We chat at each meeting, and on Facebook. We both enjoy walking, and seem to have the same struggles with time, with our bodies cooperating, and just trying to get that scale to go down. She told me she was worried about me, that I was looking a little defeated and to not give up. Our talk reminded me that it is really good to get back to basics and just keep plugging along, doing the best we can. Thank you Tammy, you’re a doll.

I might have to make this a regular post… It’s a good way to get things off my chest, things I need to face and deal with. That’s the whole point of my blog. I already have tomorrow’s post in mine, so stay tuned!

I’m here, I promise

1

That blah feeling I had on my last post (a week ago today, thank you) has certainly taken it’s time skipping town. I haven’t walked at all. For the first time in forever, my weekly dailymile report had 0 miles. Major guilt trip when I got that email. I’ve been eating a lot and making poor choices. And to top it off, I did not go to WW last Friday because I had a busy day ahead for work. My time at work and not at the meeting was well worth it, getting everything done that I needed to before the long weekend, but I should have gone to another meeting. I did not. I can’t give you a good reason why because I don’t know.

So, it’s Tuesday afternoon and I have been home since 1pm. Internet was down and I had a big quote to get out for work. That requires internet. So I came home. I got the quote done as well as other things. Now would be the perfect time to go and walk, but I’m not. Instead I am roasting some zucchini because it sounded good. A little olive oil drizzle, some minced garlic, and italian seasoning. I’ve never made it this way and I had a whole pack of zucchini sitting in the fridge, just waiting to be used.

This morning I had a pumpkin spice latte at Starbucks. Today was the first they had it and man it was good. I get mine with soy milk, it’s that much creamier. I enjoyed every last drop of it. The problem is, this could VERY easily snowball into me wanting one every day. My waist AND my checkbook cannot afford that. So, I am putting the brakes on Starbucks starting now. I’ll have to take an all or nothing approach with it at first and break this habit I’ve gotten back into over over the last couple of weeks. I’m sorry Starbucks, I’m not saying goodbye forever, just for a little bit. Perhaps you’ll see me on the weekend. It’s not you, it’s me. Promise.

As for my walking, or lack thereof, I have to make a change. I have missed walking, but have also enjoyed the lack of pain in my foot. So, as soon as I can, I am buying a pair of inserts for my shoes as suggested by my brother. We’ll give that a shot. I am also going to switch things up and go back to walking in the morning – STARTING TOMORROW. To be able to get it done first thing, at least for the next few weeks, will be nice. I have some guilt about neglecting other things around the house by walking in the afternoon when I get home so the mornings will be a good choice for now.

The wonderful thing is, I have now told the world my plans so now I have to do it. Should anyone feel the urge to check up on me and make sure I’m actually doing these things, I welcome the accountability. You know where and how to find me.

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